Pun Intended
The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table
was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan
island, but it turned out to be an optical
Aleutian.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved
her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from
algebra class, because it was a weapon of
math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and
was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a
tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the
hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay
here; I’ll go on a head.”
I wondered why the baseball kept getting
bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
“Keep off the Grass”.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In
feudalism it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate amissionary, they got a
taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be
in Seine.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him
and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns
to the other and says “Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it
sank, proving once again that you can’t have
your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost
my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? His goal:
transcend dental medication.
There was the person who sent ten puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten
did.